Happy

Happiness is something that I never really thought of when I thought about my life. In the last 9 months I beleieve that I have found my perfect partner my happiness.

I have been blessed to find true happiness with my boyfriend. I know I know how can I be sure with only being with him for such a short time. I believe that time does not define the amount of love that a person can feel.

The love and safety I feel with him is amazing, it reminds me of being a kid and feeling safe at home. My heart grows with love evryday for him. He treats me like  a princess his words are “you’re a queen and should be treated like one” hearing those words always gives me chills of happiness.

Its crazy that one person, the right person can make everything feel better. The right person can make anything seem possibly. The right person can make a struggle seems like nothing. The right person can make you feel safe in an situation. I am blessed to have found the right person for me.

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So Lucky

I realize with each day that goes by with my boyfriend how lucky I am to have him. I am beyond blessed to have him in my life. Over the weekend I realized how lucky I am to have him because of all the amazing things he does for me.

For a week I knew that I needed something 1940-1950s themed for Saturday. Nothing else was told to me. As much as I tried to convince him to tell me more he would not, no matter how hard I tried.

This wonderful date night he had planned for us was a romantic dinner out and a drive in movie. It was the perfect step back in time to me. I loved every minute and how old school it felt. The best part though was spending it with the man I love.

Unknown to me at the time he had actually been planning the date for over a month. My heart could not explain how happy and lucky I felt to know that he took the time and effort to plan something out for us. This is the first time a person has ever planned anything just to make me smile and laugh.

 

Til next time,

XOXOXO

Time flies away

Just take a moment and think about everything that has happened in the last year or two. This is simply and easy because of the obvious everyone will say a lot sure has changed.

Two years ago I was finishing up high school and had just staeted my first job around this time. It was set to be the best summer ever, the last free for all before I left some of my best friends for college. It was also the summer that I got my first boyfriend. I thought that a first love was everything. He was amazing but he also had to other guys I compared him to. The months of summer were great for us and we loved each other. Come August when I was still determined to go to college and follow my dreams, he seemed to of supported me all the way. The first six months were ups and way more downs then I ever wanted to count. I thought that was love and that was how it worked. Then in February I whole world was crushed. He ended us. One thing was the heartache that I never wanted to feel again. That was how spring break went that year for mw. I could not wait to return to school and escape him, my home town, and all of the feelings I did not want to deal with. At the time it was simply to much for me ti handle. Ignoring the feelings worked well until April come and the semester was over. It is not easy to ignore something when the time comes to move back home.

One year ago I had just moved home for college a month ago and I hated that I wa not going back to school in the fall. I was emotionally resentful and done. Anything that had to do with love and relationships a no go. I would tell people that love did not exist and that love was a big lie and it was evil. The trust be told I was scared of being hurt again and never wanted the feeling of losing a piece of me again. Even the most hateful person on love never gave up. In September I joined some dating websites and let my friends set up a few dates. I learned my friends and me have very different ideas of guys and there not allowed to pick for me. I had tons of bad luck on websites as well. In November, when I was done, tired of trying and just about ready to delete everything, someone had sent me a message. I though t to myself this will be my last try.  We talked for almost a month before the first date, and when we meet we clicked and wore matching shirts. That night we talked and laughed like best friends it was amazing. I never thought I would connect with someone so well. I am so luck thatone date turned into several more with him and I am blessed to still see where things are going with us.

Now I sit and think about the last year or two of my life and it is crazy to see how things have changed. One thing that I remember from my first relationship was him telling me the nigh t we broke up that I would find someone better. I thought he was saying that as a way to be nice at the moment becuase I never believed him. I realized he was telling me the truth and I am so lucky to have found my one in a million. I never thought I could love someone that why I do now. I never believed that I was worth someone loiving me this much. I found the man that reminds me every day that I am beautiful and he instist that I make his life better by being in it. Crazy. Every time I put myself down he comes at me with a million reasons why what I said was wrong. I love that so much more than he will ever know.

I can not believe how life has changed so much in what feels like no time at all.

Til next time,

XOXOXO

Over

To the man that broke my heart,

Thank you! This may seem odd to hear but I relly mean it when I say thank you. The thing you taught me the most was everything I will never put up with in a new relationship. At the same time I learned to love and cherish the people that are in my life.

Being with you helped me learn about myself in so many ways. I learned about compromising all the time. I learned that when I love someone I bend over backwards for them without a queation. I learned that my hear is huge. I learned that I would rathar keep feelin g to myself then risk ever having an argurment. I learned that keeping things to muself does not work. I learned that the silence we shared where thoughts unsaid.  I learned that you struggled to talk to me about little things or anything for that matter. I learned that love is amazing and wonderful.

At one point I thought you would be my forever and always and thinking about it right now, I am glad your not. When we were together I could not of thought about a better person for myself,but that was not the case. A first love blinds you to the negative things. The things you taught me will forever help to shape who I am and where I am going.

I just want to say thank you for the time spend together and everything I learned for you. I will alwasy cherish the memories and I am glad to be moving forward.

Til next time,

XOXOXO

Looking Up!!!

Its been awhile since I have been on here. My last blog was the sadness of a drunkin text gone wrong. I can honestly say now that it is getting better. I know that at one point I never thought I would be where I am today.

Don’t get me wrong I have had many hiccups along the way to where I am now. I have had dates come wrong and guys that randomly stop talking to me. I have changed kind and found a new turn to my life.

In the last couple of days I got a promotion at work, and an amazing time with the kid a watch and saw a cousin from out of state. The best part of the last couple days would be that I finally found a person that makes me question why I have been so hung up on my ex.

He makes me feel special and beautiful all the time, I can not help but laugh and smile. Even thinking about him as me smiling. I am nervous and excited to to see where this may go. I know this is not a one sides thing and we both have the same fears of being hurt again. I can not wait to see what happens.

Tell next time,

XOXOXO

Vent sessions

How can you sit there and claim to be my best friend? A best friend is suppose to support and strengthen the other person. Not make then feel like shit and constantly on the edge of an anxiety attack because of the way that you treat me. I hate that you dont realize this and I hate that you’re friends with my ex. I hate that you hangout with him and are close to him. It bothers me that you seem to have absolutely no idea. And when someone points it out to you, you get mad and defense and somehow it turns into being mine fault.

You turned a  job I liked into something that I dread and hate. I feel my anxiety raise with the idea of working with you. I hate this and I hate what are friendship has turned into. I can’t even imagine being friends much longer beccause of the way you make me feel.

Simply don’t know

Why? Why is it that every time I think I’m okay, you come back in my life? I finally start to think I’m okay and that to talk to someone new and blam there you are.

How do I know if I’m making the right choice now? I was excited to talk him and meet him. I couldn’t wait to see were this was going.
Now. I’m unsure and feel lost. I saw you again and I doesn’t even feel right to talk to him. But at the same time I enjoy talking to him and I don’t want anyone hurt, but maybe it’s already to late for that.

It sucks that the new guy, is nice and sweet. There is no simply way to say that I may not be over my ex yet.

I’m sorry for my confusing heart.